Update

Thursday night at 9:58, a miracle was born. Since then, Seth and I have been thrown back onto the rollercoaster ride of emotions that comes with the 72-hour wait after the baby is born. This experience has already been completely different than our experience with Brayden. Since this is a closed adoption, we had to wait to come to the hospital until after the birth mom signed a temporary custody release for the agency. Saying it was hard to wait to see the precious little guy seems like such an understatement, but we survived! Since then, we have been able to spend most of the time with him. There have been some stressful moments here and there, though. Most of the stress has come from a change in plans. Initially, the birth mom didn’t want to see the baby at all, but changed her mind last night. Times away from him are becoming increasingly difficult as our minds are filled with unsettling questions. A huge part of me is thankful that she has decided to meet him. I truly believe that if she decides to place, meeting him will be more healing than the alternative. The problem is that there is a small part of me (that sometimes doesn’t seem so small!) that is very uncomfortable with the impact that meeting him can have on her decision. This in turn makes me feel selfish. It is sometimes hard for me to remember that we actually have it pretty easy compared to the weight of the decision that the birth mom is carrying with her. Please join us in keep praying for her and for this precious little guy!

To close, I really don’t have much more to report at this point. My mind is pretty tired and I am having trouble putting thoughts together in a way that makes sense to all of you! I forgot how many emotions an adoption can make you feel all at one time…love, excitement, and hope coupled with a wall of defensive fear. Thanks to all of you who are praying. Through all of the emotions, thoughts, and questions, God is setting an undertone of peace through the words of a favorite song that keep running through my mind…

“Let the Waters Rise”
By
MikesChair

Don’t know where to begin,
It’s like my world’s caving in,
And I try but I can’t control my fear,
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it’s so hard to pray,
When you feel so far away.
But, I am willing to go where you want me to.
God, I trust you.

There’s a raging sea,
Right in front of me.
Wants to pull me in,
Bring me to my knees.
So let the waters rise,
If you want them to.
I will follow you.
I will follow you.

I will swim in the deep,
‘Cuz you’ll be next to me,
You’re in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea.
You’re never out of reach.

God, you know where I’ve been.
You were there with me then.
You were faithful before,
You’ll be faithful again.
I’m holding your hand.

God your love is enough.
You will pull me through.
I’m holding onto you.
God your love is enough,
I will follow you.
I will follow you.