(Note: For those of you who have old wive's tales of the dangers of cats in a crib running through your mind, rest assured that Charlie will NOT be allowed in the crib with the baby.:-) )
Auction Day, May 18, 2024
11 hours ago
Monday, April 27, 2009
Preparing Our Hearts and Home
Now that our homestudy has been approved, we only have a few things left to do...wait, pray, and prepare. Out of the three, the waiting is by far the hardest for me! The best medicine that I have been finding for my impatience is to simply stay busy. I have spent hours reading through parenting books (of which, I highly recommend Beyond Consequences, Control, and Logic by Forbes and Post), buying baby necessities, and preparing our house. Currently, the closets are organized, the windows have been washed, and the deck has been refinished. My favorite project by far, though, has been preparing the nursery. I have to admit that I was hesitant about getting the nursery ready at first. I had several people warn me that it would just make the waiting more unbearable. Being the organizationoholic that I am, though, I just couldn't not get started on it!:-) Now that it is finished, I am finding that it is not making the wait more unbearable at all. In fact, it is one of my favorite places to be on my impatient days. When I go in that room, I am reminded that I am expecting. I may not show physical signs of an expectant mother, but I am expecting just the same. I am also reminded that, just as a pregnant mother would, it is important for me to be actively preparing for the child that God is simultaneously preparing for us. It has been easy to prepare our house, but I have found that preparing my heart is something that I have to be more mindful of. In that spirit of mindfulness, I have needed to give room for God to work and it is truly amazing what He is accomplishing! I now realize that I wouldn't have been prepared to be a mother in what I thought was my timeline...God really does have perfect timing and He obviously isn't done with me yet!
Below are some pictures of my most recent "labor of love"...the nursery!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Second Letter
To my little one,
I sent in our picture profile and birthparent letter to the agency today, which means that we are one step closer to you! I have been thinking about you so much lately. I truly can't wait for the day when I will meet you! I wonder, what will you look like? What will it feel like to finally be holding the child God has been preparing your daddy and me for? Even though I don't have answers to these questions yet, I do know for sure that you will be the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and that you will be instantly and forever loved. God has been teaching me so much about providing a safe, nurturing environment for you to grow up in and I am so looking forward to bringing you home! Know that I already love you unconditionally. I pray for you and your birthmother often. I pray that God will protect you and that He will guide your birthmother through this challenging time.
I have to admit that the impatience is really setting in for me as I wait to meet you. I know deep down, though, that I haven't met you already because the time just isn't right yet. God is working and I will continue praying for you as we wait on His perfect timing to bring us together. I love you so much, my little one.
Love and prayers,
Mommy
I sent in our picture profile and birthparent letter to the agency today, which means that we are one step closer to you! I have been thinking about you so much lately. I truly can't wait for the day when I will meet you! I wonder, what will you look like? What will it feel like to finally be holding the child God has been preparing your daddy and me for? Even though I don't have answers to these questions yet, I do know for sure that you will be the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and that you will be instantly and forever loved. God has been teaching me so much about providing a safe, nurturing environment for you to grow up in and I am so looking forward to bringing you home! Know that I already love you unconditionally. I pray for you and your birthmother often. I pray that God will protect you and that He will guide your birthmother through this challenging time.
I have to admit that the impatience is really setting in for me as I wait to meet you. I know deep down, though, that I haven't met you already because the time just isn't right yet. God is working and I will continue praying for you as we wait on His perfect timing to bring us together. I love you so much, my little one.
Love and prayers,
Mommy
Letter from February 6, 2009
I should note that I have yet to decide if I will actually show these to our future child. At this point, they are simply a way for me to cope with the waiting!
To my little one,
I'm not sure that words can express the range of emotions that I have experienced on our journey to meeting you, but I will give it a try. A little over a year and a half ago, your daddy and I decided that we wanted to try to have children. At that time, we thought that having children would be easy. However, God had a different plan for us. We spent months going through what can best be described as a roller coaster of emotions. I had always believed that doctors could make everything better, but quickly learned that wasn't the case with infertility. The disappointment that I would feel after each failed procedure resulted in many, many days of depression, tears, and hopelessness. Several times, I went into your room and cried into the clothes, stuffed animals, and toys that I had already bought for you. You felt like an impossiblity and I was angry at God. Fortunately, as He always is, God was patient with me. As I began to give control back to him, God slowly began to lead my heart in another direction. He reminded me that your daddy and I had shared our desire to adopt before we ever started trying to have a baby. Somehow, I had lost track of that option in the midst of dealing with infertility. When I finally turned my attention away from infertility and towards adoption, God showed me His plan (which you will learn is always way better than anything you can dream up!!). God wanted your daddy and I to adopt YOU! When that began to sink in, all of the pain disappeared and was replaced with an indescribable peace. My excitement to meet you began growing that day and has resulted in even more tears. These tears, however, are no longer tears of sorrow; they are tears of joyful anticipation for all that we will share as a family. These tears hold the promise of a future filled with joy, love, and growth. We know that you will face special challenges as an adopted child, but are confident that supporting you through those times will only make our relationship stronger.
Tonight we had our first home visit and I am more excited than ever to meet you! I am impatient, but now understand that God is preparing us for each other and will bring us together in His perfect timing. Until the day I can hold you in my arms, I am trusting you in the arms of our loving, gracious Father. You aren't spending 9 months growing in my belly, but you are spending a lot of time growing in something even better...our hearts! I already love you, my little one.
Love and prayers,
Mommy
To my little one,
I'm not sure that words can express the range of emotions that I have experienced on our journey to meeting you, but I will give it a try. A little over a year and a half ago, your daddy and I decided that we wanted to try to have children. At that time, we thought that having children would be easy. However, God had a different plan for us. We spent months going through what can best be described as a roller coaster of emotions. I had always believed that doctors could make everything better, but quickly learned that wasn't the case with infertility. The disappointment that I would feel after each failed procedure resulted in many, many days of depression, tears, and hopelessness. Several times, I went into your room and cried into the clothes, stuffed animals, and toys that I had already bought for you. You felt like an impossiblity and I was angry at God. Fortunately, as He always is, God was patient with me. As I began to give control back to him, God slowly began to lead my heart in another direction. He reminded me that your daddy and I had shared our desire to adopt before we ever started trying to have a baby. Somehow, I had lost track of that option in the midst of dealing with infertility. When I finally turned my attention away from infertility and towards adoption, God showed me His plan (which you will learn is always way better than anything you can dream up!!). God wanted your daddy and I to adopt YOU! When that began to sink in, all of the pain disappeared and was replaced with an indescribable peace. My excitement to meet you began growing that day and has resulted in even more tears. These tears, however, are no longer tears of sorrow; they are tears of joyful anticipation for all that we will share as a family. These tears hold the promise of a future filled with joy, love, and growth. We know that you will face special challenges as an adopted child, but are confident that supporting you through those times will only make our relationship stronger.
Tonight we had our first home visit and I am more excited than ever to meet you! I am impatient, but now understand that God is preparing us for each other and will bring us together in His perfect timing. Until the day I can hold you in my arms, I am trusting you in the arms of our loving, gracious Father. You aren't spending 9 months growing in my belly, but you are spending a lot of time growing in something even better...our hearts! I already love you, my little one.
Love and prayers,
Mommy
Getting Started
A few months ago, I was reminded of writing's healing power. On February 6, I was having a particularly difficult time processing the many emotions that have resulted from both infertility and the adoption process. As I lay in bed with my mind racing, my impatience to have a child became so overwhelming that I felt as if my prayers were falling on deaf ears. They, of course, weren't and God gently reminded me of the one thing that has always brought me release and peace...writing. So, that night I sat down and wrote my first letter to our child. This letter brought me to a place of peace and, even more importantly, to a place of understanding. For the first time in a long time, I could see God at work and I felt blessed to be in the position I was in...tears, impatience, and all! Since then, I have written only a few more times, but have been wanting to make it a regular habit. So, here I am doing something I thought I would never do. I am posting in a blog...a public blog. I have to admit that I am stressed about people reading these and their resulting judgments of me. But, it is something that I feel led to do as well. Adoption is an incredible thing and I want to share it with all of you. I can't promise to always speak out of a place of wisdom and understanding, but I can promise to be honest in this journey that God has set my husband and I on. To give you some background, I will be sharing two of my letters with you in the next few postings, starting with the letter I wrote on February 6. Enjoy!
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