Day 3

Day three started on a hopeful, incredibly peaceful note. The social worker stopped by to say that the birth mom was still at peace with her decision and that she was considering opening the adoption more. This was something that Seth and I were actually hoping for as our experience so far has proven that as hard as it can sometimes be for the adoptive parents, open adoptions tend to be very healing for the birth moms. As much as I was trying to fight it, this talk left me feeling pretty confident. I finally started imagining our life with this little guy. I spent the morning dreaming of all the experiences that our finally complete family would have. I knew that I should still be hesitant, but was having trouble fighting the excitement. Then, 2:30 came and the phone rang. Jen was calling to tell me that the nurse had contacted her with concerns about the birth mom. The birth mom was very emotional (which is of course to be expected!) and was wavering on her decision. When the social worker called the birth mom, she immediately told her that she couldn't go through with the adoption plan. The social worker listened and talked with her for quite awhile. From what I understand, it sounds like she is getting a lot of pressure from her teenage daughter to keep the baby, but the birth dad is still on board with the adoption plan. The birth mom finally agreed to go home and sleep on it, which means that we will not know anything either way until tomorrow morning. This phone call was obviously very unexpected and has left me feeling very overwhelmed. I really am not sure what to do with my emotions right now. On one hand, my heart is breaking for the birth mom. I just can't imagine the pain that she is feeling right now. On the other hand, I am experiencing emotional pain so intense that I am actually physically ill. I told Seth that I am pretty sure it is humanly impossible to not become attached to a baby that you have spent several days with. This little guy captured my heart the moment I saw him and my love for him has been growing ever since. My heart hurts for him and the confusion he has already experienced in his first few days on earth. I realize that up to this point this all may sound a bit focused on my pain, but the cry of my heart at this point is ultimately for him...not for me. I am praying for peace to fill him and for God to bless his future with secure relationships and unconditional love. I know that God is faithful, but I also know that humans have free will and the decision is up to the birth mom. There is nothing we can do but wait it out. While we wait, though, we will continue to pour out love on this precious baby. We are going to embrace the time that God has given with him. If nothing else, we can leave knowing that the first three days of this little guy's life weren't spent in a lonely nursery...they were spent in the arms of two people who were committed to showing God's love to him.