Good News...Maybe...!?!

Wow, what a difference a few days can make! I began this week pretty depressed and discouraged. This weekend, I had talked to my friend who is also adopting from Caring for Kids and she informed me that the number of couples adopting from our agency had increased (due to another agency going bankrupt...). We found out that there are now 49 other couples who are also waiting to adopt. We were told that at least a year of waiting was possible. As I'm sure you can understand, a year seems like a LONG time to wait, especially when it is added to the time we have already been waiting for a family! All of this news, along with my ever-growing impatience, became almost unbearable. I told Seth as I was going to bed on Sunday that I was nearing a panic attack. He, being the amazing guy he is, was able to calm me down, but the anxiety followed me into the week. As always, God was listening to my anxious thoughts/prayers and led me to a story that calmed my heart. On Tuesday morning, I was reading the fourth chapter in Rewriting Your Emotional Script, which is a book that my Sunday school class is studying. The chapter was about letting go of control and trusting God completely. Now, I'm not sure about all of you, but despite the fact that this sounds good, I am awful at actually turning everything over to God....especially this adoption stuff!! As I was reading, my stubbornness (or pride?) kept insisting that staying in control was the only way to protect myself from more hurt. In my head, it made sense to give control to God, the One who knows what is BEST for me. But, I just couldn't convince my heart. Anyway, this is becoming longer than I intended.:-) To make this long story shorter, I was answering a question at the end of the chapter that dealt with tangible ways to develop trust. I had intended to write down "learning more about the character of God," but found when I was rereading my answers that I had written, "learning more about the character of Job." I took this as a "God thing" and started to read about Job. Obviously, I am not experiencing even half of what Job experienced, but the peace I found from reading about him was amazing. He helped me to give voice to the things that I am feeling and experiencing. He showed me that God can handle questioning, tears, and even some complaining! It was only after I let myself question, cry, and complain that I began to again see God's hand at work. Since then, I have been working on placing our baby in God's hands and leaving it there. In other words, I am allowing my heart to begin believing what my head has been telling me all along!

Now, onto that maybe good news! This afternoon, I got a call from the adoption agency telling me that they are going to show our profile to a young girl and her boyfriend. The young girl sounds like an incredibly strong person and I would be honored if she would pick us. She, of course, has many options, though and only God knows who would be best for her child. For those of you who read this, I would really appreciate it if you would pray for her as she makes this difficult decision. Pray that she makes the best decision for her and her baby...even if that doesn't include us! As much as I want her to pick us, I have realized that even if we are not picked, God can still use me to pray for her during this challenging time. She will have several weeks to make her decision, so I will update you as soon as I find something out. Until then, I am not sure what to do with my emotions. I am experiencing everything from worry to excitement to anger that I am letting myself get excited! I am sure more posts will follow about this, but for now I am in need of some Seth time...:-)