The Decisions Keep Getting Harder...

Oh, what an afternoon I have had!! After school, Jill from the adoption agency called and told me about two birthmoms. The first situation sounded great and I didn't even hesitate to have us included in the profile showing. The second situation, however, was much different and has resulted in several hours of tears. In this situation, there are several potential issues with the mother including drugs, smoking, and a potentially life-threatening disease that could be passed onto the baby. My first response was to say "yes, go for it and show our profile." Then, the doubt began to creep in as I really began to think about whether or not we could provide the best home for this child. I began to wonder, are Seth and I really equipped to handle the issues that this baby could potentially have? Even more importantly, can I handle losing the baby that I have waited SO LONG for to this life threatening disease? As a Christian, I feel that the obvious answers to these questions are "of course, with God, you can do anything." In fact, even as I am writing this, I am imagining people judging me for being wary of this situation...especially since our hearts are leaning towards saying no! Can you imagine the guilt that goes along with saying no?!? I feel like a downright awful person! All of this is taking me right back to the same feelings I had as I was filling out the checklist of what we would and would not "accept." I would not wish these decisions on anyone! They are so very hard and I really don't know what to do with them yet!

To close for the night, I will leave you all with where my heart is at right now...whether it is right or wrong, I have yet to decide! Ultimately, I need to think about what is best for this baby and deep down, I am almost positive it's not us. I'm still trying to figure out if this "no feeling" is God or not, though. Obviously, there is a lot more praying, thinking and talking to do tonight! (Oh, what I would do for a face-to face conversation with God right now!) For those who are willing, I would ask for prayers for us as we continue to sift our way through this process. We still trust that God has a child for us and we want to stay faithful on the path to meeting him/her. I would also ask for prayers for this precious baby that I have been writing about. Please pray that God's hand would be with it and it's mother as she selects a family to place him/her with.