A "Real" Mom

In our three short months with Brayden, we have had some crazy questions and comments. My personal favorite was when a lady asked me, "where did you get one like that?" Even though I wanted to be sarcastic and say something like, "at K-mart, he was a blue light special," I resisted. Instead, I just smiled and told her that we had adopted him. The comment that has impacted me the most, though, was when I was told that I was not a "real" mom. In his eyes, the boy who made this comment just didn't believe that anyone could be a "real" mom without actually getting pregnant and having a baby. Instead, he told me that I was more like a step-mom or a long-term baby-sitter. (I should note that this comment came from a 13 year old boy, who in no way meant to hurt me and I do not hold this against him! He simply doesn't fully understand adoption.) After initially shrugging the comment off, the conversation came back to me and brought with it a mix of emotions. I, of course, know that I am a "real" mom, but was faced again with the reality that Brayden really has two moms. I have always said and firmly believe that Brayden has room in his heart to love more than one mom, but this comment made me realize that I hadn't made peace with that fact yet. Even though, Mommy T is such an incredible person who loves Brayden and I am so thankful that she wants to be a part of his life, I have to admit that this comment left me struggling with the selfish want to be his only mom. This selfishness really made me quite mad at myself, especially since Brayden isn't really "mine" anyway. After a few days, I finally decided to take all of this to God (why does it always take me so long??) and as He always does, He led me to something that brought me peace. The poem is called, "Legacy of an Adopted Child."



Once there were two women

who didn't know each other.

One you do not remember.

The other, you call mother.



Two different lives shaped your one.

One became your guiding star.

The other became your sun.



The first gave you life,

and the second taught you to live in it.

The first gave you the need for love,

and the second was there to give it.



One gave you a nationality.

The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent.

The other gave you an aim.



One gave you emotions.

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile.

The other dried your tears.



One gave you up-it was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child,

and God led her straight to you.



And now you ask me through your tears,

the age-old question through the years:

Heredity or environment-which are you the product of?

Neither, my Darling, neither.

Just two different kinds of love!



~Author Unknown



After reading his poem, I was once again thankful for Mommy T. God used the poem to remind me that without her, I wouldn't even have a son. Through God's leading, her love and unselfishness brought Brayden into our lives. Really, it is the least that we can do to share our little boy with the one who brought him into this world! No, we are not a typical family and I am not a typical mom. But, now I can say in all honesty that I really wouldn't want it any other way!

Brayden with Mommy T at the hospital.

May 29, 2009

Bundle of Joy

Every time I look at Brayden, I am reminded about how very good God has been to us! We are thoroughly enjoying watching him grow and change. He now coos and smiles all the time. He is the very definition of a bundle of joy and has brought me more joy than I have ever known! I am attaching a picture of him laughing at his daddy. It took me awhile, but I finally got that adorable smile on camera!

In terms of adoption "stuff," we received the good news that the father's rights were signed over. Yay! This was something that I wasn't terribly concerned about considering what we had been told about him, but it was still a relief. We also had the chance to visit Mommy T and her children last week. Despite the range of emotions we always experience at the visits, we were still glad to see her. She has such a kind heart and truly loves Brayden. We feel VERY blessed to have her in our and Brayden's life!

In the coming weeks, I will have to deal with the reality of going back to work and leaving Brayden with a sitter. Fortunately, our sitters will be family members, but it will still be hard! As corny as it may sound, I truly feel like a part of me is missing when he isn't with me! I am sure I will have more to say about this in the next post. For now, though, I am just planning to enjoy every second of summer break that I have left with him!

Swimming...

our new favorite thing to do!

I'm loving every minute...

of being a mommy!! I'm sorry that I haven't updated in FOREVER! I finally have some down time, so as long as Brayden stays asleep, I can update you all a bit now.:-) Life since my last post has been crazy in the best possible sense of the word. My days are filled with taking care of our precious gift as well as trying to keep up with housework, yard work, etc. Fortunately, Brayden has tons of people who love to spend time with him, so I am able to have at least one day a week to catch up. I always come away from those days missing the time that I could have spent with him, though. Motherhood is such a balancing act!

The highlight of our last month was spending a long weekend with my incredible family in Snowshoe, WV. Brayden did SO well on the trip (perhaps b/c he was being spoiled by 8 people, instead of just mom and dad:-)) and we thoroughly enjoyed building memories with the newest addition of our family! By far, my favorite part of the trip was taking Brayden swimming. I honestly expected him to hate it, but I was surprised to find that he LOVED it! I have never seen him happier. He was kicking, talking, smiling, and just being plain adorable. He loved it so much that Seth and I have decided to pick up a kiddie pool this week for him. I will finally get some time in a pool this summer...even if it is just a few inches of water!:-)

As far as adoption stuff goes, all is going well. We have been enjoying our visits with Mommy T. She is, understandably, still having a tough time with everything and I ask for your continued prayers for her. After two visits within the first month of his adoption, we are now spreading the visits out to 6-8 weeks. Each visit brings with it a wide range of emotions, but we do look forward to spending time with Mommy T and her family. She is such an incredible person and Brayden is so blessed to have a birth mom that cares so much for him! So far, our biggest issue has been convincing our insurance to cover him before the adoption is finalized in December. Despite the fact that I sent them a copy of the LAW that says they have to cover him now, they are still refusing. Hopefully, this will all work out soon!

Well, sorry to cut this short, but my little one is awake. I will do my best to update sooner next time!:-) I am attaching some pics from vacation. Enjoy!

Attempt at a family picture. We will get him to look at the camera one of these days.:-)

Talking to the fishies. Seth is such a good daddy!!

Hanging out with Aunt Angie.

All of the fun swimming wore the poor little guy out.:-)

First train ride!

Bringing Home Baby

Since I left off on the Saturday before the adoption was finalized, I'll start by summarizing Sunday, May 31st...one of the best days of our lives! At 8:48 that morning, the 72 hours was officially up. We, however, didn't find out that the paperwork was signed until after 10. Talk about a stressful morning! Looking back, though, I am glad that the birth mom took her time with the papers and with the decision. Her social worker was extremely supportive and gave her the time that she needed. In retrospect, I realize that the stress that we felt doesn't even begin to compare to what she was going through! After we found out that the adoption papers were signed, we went straight into an hour of paperwork. For those of you who have bought a house, you may have a remote understanding of what this hour was like.:-) Since we were both still in shock at that point, I really don't remember much else about the morning except saying good-bye to mommy T (the birth mom). Those few minutes were the most heartbreaking minutes I have ever experienced. Trying to find the words to say thanks for the most incredible gift imaginable was impossible. Instead, we gave lots of hugs, shared in her tears, and assured her that she was and would continue to be in our prayers. Ultimately, we all found peace in the fact that we would be visiting soon. (We have an open adoption. I will share more about this and the visits in future posts:-))

Since bringing Brayden home, we have been overwhelmed with the love, support, and joy that everyone has been sharing with us. Our house has been filled with guests and we are loving it! I am still not sure that I have fully grasped what God has done for us. He is SO INCREDIBLY good! Right now, I am concentrating on the promise that I made to Him before Brayden. Almost daily before Brayden came into our lives, I said Hannah's prayer found in 1 Samuel: "Oh, Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on my affliction and remember me, and not forget me, but provide me with children which I can give back to you, then I will, indeed, surrender them fully and completely to your glory." (paraphrased) Brayden is an answer to this prayer and I intend to keep my promise of surrendering him and his incredible story to the One who has blessed us with him!

To close, I wanted to let you know that I will do my best to update as much as possible. Our story with Brayden is just beginning and I look forward to continuing to share our adoption journey with all of you. A heartfelt thanks to all of you for your prayers, support and love! Please continue to remember mommy T in your prayers...she is an incredible person with a long road of healing ahead of her.

Our Precious Gift

Every good and perfect gift comes from above.

~James 1:14

It's official! I am a mommy! God is so VERY, VERY good! I will share more of our story when we get more settled in. But, for now, I will at least share a pic.:-)

Brayden Toney Miller

6/28/09

6lbs. 13 ounces

Still waiting

It is 9:30 and we are still waiting...I will update when I can!